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Crazy Beautiful

Monday, September 29, 2014

The sunset in the west, cast orange spears of light on the water while as our ferry ploughed through the dark waters of Sydney Harbour, rounded Bennelong Point and steamed towards Manly. A pair of young Cockney travel mates tried to photograph each other with the mandatory iPhones against the now golden glowing tiles of the Opera House sails as we passed by. One remarked to the other when the Harbour Bridge appeared in all its majesty, that this was "beautiful."

'Crazy beautiful,' his friend answered.

It never ceases to amaze how completely blown away our overseas visitors are when they first see Sydney Harbour. Truly this is what makes Sydney the most beautiful city in the greatest country in the world. What an incredible badge of honour and what an awesome responsibility to live up to.

Sydney-siders have a lot to be proud of and we are. We know that Melbourne has the culture and the clothes and the restaurants but most Sydney-siders' favourite view of Melbourne is in the rear view mirror. Being South of the border, we often refer to them as Mexicans. Brisbane is a great place to travel through on your way to somewhere good and the less said about Adelaide the better I think. Strangely enough, Darwin is pretty special all on its own but is really too far away to be any real use to anyone. It is actually cheaper and quicker for Sydney-siders to travel overseas than to go to Darwin or Perth and no one but politicians, dope heads and other porno loving ne'er-do-wells would ever consider living in Canberra: at least not on purpose.

At this point I feel I need to admit that as passionate lover of Jackson Pollock's artwork, I do travel to our nation's capital regularly just to sit and stare at "Blue Poles" in the National Gallery: then I'm outta there like a shot and headed back to the capital of God's country where I don't need to wear a disguise to hide my embarrassment.

If you think I am a snob let me tell you that up here we have multi-level snobbery on a grand scale. In Sydney's south we have the people of the "Shire." If you think hobbits a bit loopy then you aint seen nothin' yet! Despite being a ridiculous distance from the city, people of the Sutherland Shire are actually quite proud and protective of their little patch of turf half way to sunny Wollongong. These people would happily break off and become an entirely different country if we let them.

Heading up the coast, folk heroes (come mobsters) the Bra' Boys rule the coastal strip of Maroubra and are generally regarded as the lads most likely to do just about "anything." Their slogan reads "My Brother's Keeper." So messing with one of their brothers would be an extremely foolhardy idea I think.

Further North to Bondi Beach is the British backpacker territory. These football hooligans will kill anyone who doesn't think soccer is the greatest game in the world; justifiable homicide they call it. I loved living at Bondi Beach but I took my life in my hands every time I ventured out wearing my Sydney Swans paraphernalia.

I dated a girl from Sydney's Northern Beaches for a while but one day she just told me, 'Look you are a great guy and I really enjoy being with you but you are just not one of us.' I know INXS came from the Northern Beaches but that was a long time ago. I also know that the infamous "Spit Bridge" is almost like an international border crossing, but are you guys really that isolated that you have evolved into different species to the rest of us?

If you live on Sydney's North Shore and feel quite pleased with yourself then you should know that Eastern Suburbs people would not let you clean their toilets. One Double Bay blonde TV presenter once famously quipped that she wouldn't be caught "dead" on the North Shore.

Kids growing up in Sydney during the 70's and 80's would know that the kiss of death to any budding relationship was to tell your targeted prospect that you came from Bankstown or Campbelltown especially if you were a surfer(or pretending to be). You would have been better off telling them that you killed puppies for a living.

I lived in Cabramatta a long time back when the then Prime Minister Gough Whitlam lived down the road. Now I can't go back because I can't read the signs and don't speak the language: Vietnamese. Mind you, it's a much more vibrant and interesting place than when I lived there. In fact it started to improve as soon as I left: Hmmmm...

All things considered, I really love our cultural integration successes and it warms my heart to see mixed race couples walking hand in hand. Seeing this gives me great hope for the future not only for Sydney and Australia, but the entire world. I know we have borders to protect and that some intruders do not have our best interests at heart but much is expected of those who are given a lot and boy have we landed in clover. After all, it's only an accident of birth that we were born Australians and they weren't. We really did nothing to earn the incredibly privileged position we enjoy.

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